I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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