I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
