DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
