i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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