I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
