Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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