i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So here I am, sexting at work.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
