You smell like stripper and shame
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize