Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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