You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
