If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
