Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
