It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
