Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my shit smells like andre
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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