just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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