Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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