have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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