I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
