I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
