Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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