I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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