Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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