The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
