I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
