If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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