He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
