You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize