You can't special order awesome
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
