you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
