Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
