Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize