new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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