I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
