just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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