also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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