Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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