um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
