im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
