We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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