I feel great
I just peed on a car
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
