My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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