Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
sex in a hospital.. check
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
and you fell through a lawn chair
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
