saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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