awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
