so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
