god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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