don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
