I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
