Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
