I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I believe in your delicious
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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