Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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