The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
