If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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