If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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