Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My life is pants optional.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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