first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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