Jerry, you need to find god
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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