I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
