You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
