i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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