I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
