I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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