it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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