Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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