Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
