I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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