Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
